舉棋不定Decision, decision. 一幅畫要掛高掛低,偏左偏右,只是簡單的決定,即時的反應.但是當買那雙鞋,穿那套衣服,要不要搶鋼管舞台的地盤,喝茶還是咖啡,收不收留Sugar...或多或少都有哈姆雷特To be or not to be的抉擇困境時,我不得不同情Kim面對人生第一大難題時的左右為難:要不要同居,安定下來?
Saint上一集還說要有自己的空間,經過Kim一陣開誠佈公的拉扯,突然決定門戶大開,請Kim入座,只是沒想到連Sugar都要打包一起帶進門.
倆人正從明朗的陽光中甦醒,Saint穿了一件清水湛藍的小背心,用她「善良的手」戀棧著Kim的手背.這是本季最後一刻美好時光,如果是擁Saint派,請睜大你的眼,用長長的凝視記憶這一段,此後山路難行,險象環生.
Kim: I got to go. 我該起身了
Saint: Oh, you hadn't got your SA. 哦,妳還沒完成作業
Kim: Try to meet my English tutor when I'm late my SA again.我再遲交就得向英文導師報到
Saint: You can always on, when you bring your work back here. 妳可以把作業帶來這裡做 (善意的建議居然成為悲劇的起源)
Kim: Just get in a way. 是啊,用這個方式登堂入室
Saint: I want you in a way, all the time. 我可是一直都想要妳
Kim: I can get used to it. Sitting by the window, gazing the sea, be a wistful and imspired. 我應該會適應這樣場景:坐在窗邊,凝視著大海,從沈思中得到啟發 (很像瓊瑤小說中的風花雪月)
Saint: I fix you a desk. I could help. Try me. 我幫妳準備書桌,還可以協助妳的作業.(欸,Kim不相信) 妳可以試試看.
Kim: Hamlet is a play about
procrastination disguise.哈姆雷特是一部關於偽裝唯唯諾諾個性的戲劇.
Saint: I don't even know there is a little bit simplicity. Means here a lot heavy stuff going on. You want to get start, especially when you get info from the ghost. 這並沒有妳想像中的簡單,它有許多沈重的議題(Saint還舉起雙手加強語氣).妳得從劇中鬼魂的訊息著手開始.
Kim: I don't know you're into Shakespeare. Very insightful. 我還不知道妳這麼了解莎士比亞啊,很有見解哦. (這種包吃包住的優良家教到那裡找?)
Saint: I could save your hours. Hours could be much much
better sex...我可以節省妳很多時間.省下來的時間可以有更多閨房樂趣....(Saint的求歡一直是溫文儒雅,難道,難道是問題出在不夠激情?)
Kim: I say, so...好啊... (Kim-Saint慘事與莎翁悲劇同步揭幕上映)
*procrastination disguise幕後故事:這倆個字讓我體認自己才疏學淺的代價.我和家裡那口子一起聽了半個小時,還是聽不出來怎麼拼字.她急電另一對couple來搭救,我們還待別擺一整桌晚餐等候對方.其中一位是留美碩士,聽出第二個字(我還以為是discuss),和半信半疑的第一個字.碩士臨時再找了比較文學碩士來鑑定,終於確認出第一個字.從頭到尾歷經12個小時.找朋友幫忙雖然費時,但真有趣極了.Saint: Really? I mean you don't want to think about it or anything.真的嗎?我是說妳不再考慮一下. (Saint有點意外,想要再確認,問題是二個人認知完全不同)
Kim: Yes, that's I think about it. 我已經考慮好了. (Kim只是想把作業帶來)
Saint: Oh, well. We could put a desk just there, just like you want it. Like a crack lots room with wardrobe, clothes and stuff. That fine. We're still going to need some space for books..... We go furniture shopping. We'll make this place us more than just mine. 那麼,我可以在那邊放書桌,就照妳的意思.還要有可放衣櫃衣物等雜物.我們還需要空間來放書 (Saint快要喜極而泣,樂昏頭了,但Kim沒說要把所有家當搬來啊!)...這樣好了,我們去採購傢俱.讓這裡佈置成屬於我們的家,而不再只是我的.(Saint仰頭望著天花板,像看到慶祝煙火,我們眼看一顆雀躍的心,轉眼要摔在地上)
Kim: Bring my work? stuff? everything? 把作業帶來?還有雜物?和所有東西?(Kim一時怔住,這到底是什麼跟什麼?)
Saint: Yeh, would you want me to tell it to Nathan? 是啊,要不要由我向妳爸提出?(誰都阻擋不了Saint,就算是Nathan也一樣)
"Is just me or do other people make a life changing decision without meaning to? 是只有我,還是其他人也一樣,無心插柳,卻作了改變人生的決定?" (Kim,這句話妳應該當面對Saint講,而不是放在心裡當旁白.)
Kim: Move in? with you? 搬進來?與妳同居?
Saint: It's fabulous.太棒了 (天啊,Saint還高興地拍手)
Kim: It's crazy.這太瘋狂了 (完了,嚇壞了未成年的女生)
Kim心想離開了床舖,Saint就該回復理智,不死心地再問一次意向:
Kim: say you're sure. 妳確定了?
Saint: Yes, I'm sure. 我確定
Kim: Well, you know, among students I haven't met domestic girls as knowing couple. 可是,在同學中,我還沒看過任何一個居家女孩已定下伴侶.(真是個爛理由,Saint才不理會別人的情況)
Saint: We're already couple, Kim, before I change my mind. 我們已經是一對伴侶了,Kim.免得我改變心意.
Kim: Really? 真的嗎?(第一次定位為couple是件大事,當年我那口子一開始有點驚魂未定,心想還沒經歷夠,就這樣定了後半輩子.)
Saint: Go pack. Call me if you need a hand. 快去打包,要幫手時叫我一聲
17歲的女生,還年輕,心情還不定,如何接受Saint的情?"Some decisons were made so fast. It's hard to believe we made it. Perhaps, because we didn't. Which bet the question: to move in or not to move in. 有些決定下得太快,快到我們不相信已決定了.其實是,我們壓根兒沒做決定.這會兒可該賭一下這個問題:該不該同居?"
Kim真的拿出銅板占卜,人頭面就say yes,可是連擲三次都想賴皮,最後累勝15次,還是想逃避命運.接著她試著用理性的方式(理性個頭),分析優缺點(pros and cons).
同居的三大優點:
1) Livig with Saint would be peace surrender, and time to think. 平靜的馴服,有更多時間可思考.(Kim是要考研究所,還是寫作?這是那門子優點?)
2) 可在The CC當光鮮亮麗的酒保,三不五時和女客打情罵俏.(根本不必和Saint同居,她自已就可以去應徵)
3) 日日有春天,夜夜起高潮.(這才像是優點嘛,但為什麼是擺在最後一個?是誰該被檢討?)
輪到同居的三大缺點:
1) 日久成為管家、幫佣、煮飯婆、慰安婦....(這是老式異性戀婚姻的恐懼症,溫柔Saint不太可能變成這樣吧)
2) 身無一技之長,從富家掌上明珠,變成街上小攤販(Sugar也是這樣開始,這不能怪Saint吧,要自己努力)
3) 情趣走調,房事變公式.Saint像包租公穿著條紋睡衣、戴上老花眼鏡、打起毛衣.Kim穿起阿婆級的馬甲想展現誘惑.Saint看了一眼,只問起:妳餵過貓了沒?Kim只好拉起被子悻悻然:Hello, Lesbian bed dead, anyone? Kim把Saint描述得太無趣了.拜託,Saint是開情趣店的,還是個DJ、全身性感紋身,也曾說過「我沒穿底褲」去誘惑別人、挑逗Dmitri三人行、曾在廢船打野外....請告訴我,Saint會像是個無趣之人嗎?
Kim繼續祈求上天給予徵兆,只見路旁出現搬家貨運,紅色大椅從眼前抬過;一個旅人拉著行李箱從身旁經過.這都是徵兆,但Kim就是抵死不認.
Kim回家當縮頭烏龜,正巧Sugar回來收抬最後一批東西.兩個人互報近況.Sugar重新找了安份守己的小工作,賣起衣服鞋子.還挺有志向的每週去進修一次--學習如何跳鋼管舞.初學總有失手,不,應該是失足,一抬腿就把教練踢倒地上.
Sugar的新家自成天地,看似自由自在,但少了伴,就是渾身不對勁.雖然第一季Sugar是一個人獨住,但是經過18個月和牢友相濡以沬,享受過Kim全家相處之樂,再回復單身一人,難免不適寂寞.
Kim這邊終日惶恐,愛情關係頓時由甜變酸.小女生的脫困之道,便是打扮豔光四射,夜混The CC.
旋轉咖啡杯在Sugar Rush有著微妙的象徵意義,通常與瘋狂的慾望和迷戀有關.像第一二季開場,Kim用電動牙刷自慰,她的春夢都是坐在旋轉咖啡杯裡親吻別人.當她再度和Sugar坐上旋轉咖啡杯,暗示接下來和Sugar還是有慾望的牽扯.
我看過第一季DVD的幕後拍片過程,Sugar一臉痛苦的坐在旋轉咖啡杯,口中喃喃自語:想知道我晚餐吃了什麼嗎?所以看到第二季她再度上陣,我是深表同情.
其實Sugar並不想去The CC,可是Kim一直在旁邊慫恿,她甚至說了一句意有所指:"You know you'll make a great lesbian when one suits you. 只要遇上對的人,妳也可以成為好拉子" 這句話和TLW中Alice的經典名言:Most girls are straight, until they are not. 有異曲同工之妙.
倆個人在酒吧搶跳鋼管舞,被人踢下場.Sugar心生一計,便拿酒灑在對方臀部上報負,然後逃之夭夭,逃到一處恰可容倆人的橋孔.和著對方近距離的喘息和酒精效力,Kim傾身狂吻Sugar,Sugar並沒有推開她.Kim拉身對看了一眼,再一次趨前熱吻.
我從來沒有看過Kim這一股吻勁,好像最深層的慾望全部都爆發出來,只是這個慾望不是對Saint,而是對原以為熄滅的Sugar.
為什麼那個時間點會引爆熱吻?為什麼不是在Sugar還睡在Kim身旁時?我常會舉<Show Me Love 同窗之愛>為例子,當乖乖女Agnes攔下便車,真的要陪她暗戀的女孩Elin去斯德哥爾摩.Elin原本並沒有喜歡Agnes,但是犯罪或是成就的快感,常會催化性衝動,Elin便藉拉起車前蓋的掩護,情不自禁狂吻Agnes.同理在<D.E.B.S.>的原始短片版,Lucy與Amy的高潮時刻是在D.E.B.S.一班成員在門外搭救的緊急關頭.
次日,倆個人假裝什麼事都沒有發生過.但是Kim在挑選鞋子時,不斷三心二意拿不定主意.Sugar倒是一針見血提醒:"Taking longer to decide is not going to make any difference. 花越多時間作決定,不儘然能改善決策品質." Kim最終選定一雙鞋子,而不是兩雙都喜歡.有趣的是,晚上和Saint前往Sugar的新居派對,半路上Saint還讚美了那雙鞋.
"You can't avoid the issue for so long that comes the time you have to be a woman facing your fear head on. And again that's always good to gether your thoughts. 你不可能永遠躲避問題,總得長大成人面對前面的恐懼--當然,能夠再多些時間收拾思緒總是好的."
才說要勇敢面對問題,Kim一發現Saint坐在海濱,立刻彎身想躲開,被Saint發現後又扯了一堆謊言.我從來沒有像這一刻這麼討厭Kim(其實是討厭編劇).她之前的坦白分享,開誠佈公都到那裡去了?為了最後一集的戲劇效果,就可以任意扭曲角色性格嗎?(好了,不要激動,不要激動)
在本地,有所謂的合解咖啡一詞,但這場咖啡卻越喝越糟.
Kim: Should I? Shouldn't I? Tossing coins. 要搬,不搬?還丟銅板決定.(居然講出丟銅板的事,叫Saint情何以堪)
Saint: I thought you want to move in. 我以為妳想搬進來.
Kim: I did...I do...maybe. It's just really big step. You know, I think I got to think it through properly. 我曾想啊(過去式)....我是想啊(趕快改成現在式)....或許是吧.這真是個大決定.我需要好好想想.
Saint: Stop it, ok! 別再扯紙巾了 (Saint最懂手語,當然受不了Kim的手指焦慮)
Kim跟著扯了一堆自己的生活壞習慣,想要讓Saint知難而退.
Saint: Let's forget it. It's just suggestion. 我們不要再提了,只是個想法罷了.
Kim: We'll still see each other. 我們還是會見面.(這樣見面還有什麼動力,互相洩慾嗎?)
Saint: Of cos. 當然.
Kim: I just I need a couple months, you know, just finish my exam. 我還需要幾個月吧,等我考完試以後.(為什麼要凌遲對方的感情?拖著不是辦法)
Saint: Fine. 好吧.
Kim: We are alright. 心理沒疙瘩吧!(沒疙瘩才有鬼)
Saint: Yes, just forget waht I said everything. 是的,忘了我所說的一切.
咖啡的尾聲是二個人搶付帳,什麼都不如意的Saint,必須搶到付款才能再度感到存在的價值.
Saint: Let me pay this fu*king coffee....Sorry, just definitely next time. I got some works. 讓我來付這個混蛋咖啡!....對不起,下次再讓妳買單.我有事要走了.(可憐Saint沒處發洩,把氣發到咖啡上)
晚上,Kim拉著Saint參加Sugar新厝派對(housewarming party).行走間已經貌合神離,等到前方傳來震耳欲聾的音樂,Saint終於忍不住想抽身離開.出現有史以來最嚴重的代溝危機:
Kim: You know, I thought you were ok. 我以為沒有疙瘩了(早說過沒疙瘩才有鬼)
Saint: Did you, really? Oh, you know what, it's fine. We are just really in different stages. I didn't realize that until right now. 妳真的認為沒有?其實我們處在不同的人生階段.我一直沒發覺--直到現在.(Saint在戲中到底幾歲?)
Kim: And? 所以呢-- (妳該不會現在要提出分手吧)
Saint: I want to share my life with someone, Kim. And you want to go party which is all right. Cos taht's exactly what I want to do in your age. So, go please. Go and have some fun. 我想和某個人共渡人生,Kim.妳現在只想參加派對,其實沒有關係.因為我在妳這個年齡時也是這樣.妳就去玩吧,好好享受.
Kim: You can do both, you know. 妳可以兩者兼顧 (如果是跟另一半一起去才有可能--但不是指swing party)
Saint: You don't want to do that.... See you later. 妳不會這樣做的.... 再聯絡吧.(妳該不會派對後要提出分手吧)
Kim大受打擊,在派對上發狂地和每個人嬉笑調情,還當眾宣告Saint不再是她的女友,她不想要在年輕時被絆住,就決定和一個人共渡餘生.Sugar再也看不下去,把Kim拉開現場,到附近的小咖啡店和她好好地談一談.
Sugar: Well I think you're mad: you've got the chance to live in a seafront apartment with a girl who's crazy about you and you're just going to turn her down? 我覺得妳瘋了,居然拒絕她:放棄住海景公寓的大好機會,和一位深愛妳的女孩.(Sugar申論與Saint同居的三大優點,要比Kim的觀點周全多了)
Kim: Well it's a big step 這是個大決定.
Sugar: So what are you going to do? Stick it out with the Addams family because you're scared of commitment? 妳要怎麼辦?只因為不敢承諾,就死守著妳一家子怪人? (
註<The Addams Family>:台灣譯作<阿達一族>,內地譯作<愛登士家庭>)Kim: It's more than that though 不是那樣而已.
上了一盤只有空熱量沒有營養的薯條後,音樂一變,急轉Kim內心深處.
Kim: Do you ever wonder what would have happened between us, if you hadn't gone away? 妳有沒有想過,如果妳沒有去感化院,我們倆個會怎麼樣?(一年半都避而不談,現在作個了結也好)
Sugar: Sometimes. Kim, we had the moments, but most of the time we are not that fu*k out for each other; Saint's great, she's great for you; You two it makes sense and you know it. 有時候想過.Kim,我們曾共有過那一刻,但大部份的時候.我們並不適合彼此.Saint很棒,很適合妳.妳也清楚妳們成為一對是天經地義的事.(就算是擁Sugar派也得承認這一段很中肯)
Besides we'll never talked (top?) the night we did have. I'll still be thinking of that one when shuffling around in my incontinence pants. That's if I don't have Alzheimer's. 我們沒有再談過那一晚(指110).當我和生張熟魏鬼混時,我還是一直會想起那一次.始終忘不掉,好像我沒有老年癡呆症般.
(這段話讓擁Sugar派士氣大振,認為第三季只要Sugar能放開心胸接納Kim,就能達成Kim-Sugar配的夢想.可是我忘不了Sugar曾說的沾了衛生紙的魚,dirty的情趣用品....)
Kim: OOOOooooo sugz 噢,Sugz.
Sugar: Now, go and get your girl 現在,妳給我去追回妳的女孩.
之前,我一直不認為Sugar愛Kim,因為Sugar總是自私地以自已為中心,常常利用Kim,像205那一段其實非常惡劣.但在這一刻,Sugar表現出真正愛Kim,但那不屬於肉體的,而是能設身處地為Kim著想,希望Kim得到最大幸福,要她回到Saint的身邊.你聽過所羅門王判決二個母親爭奪小孩的故事嗎?只有大愛,是以放手來換取對方的幸福,玉石俱焚不過是佔有慾的副產品.
Kim在路上隨手偷了一個盆栽想當作道歉的擋箭牌.Saint一開門,Kim說那是要搬來同居的禮物,Saint白了一道:看起來比較像是祝別人新居落成的贈禮.Kim還死鴨子嘴硬:我沒同居過,那裡知道差異.Saint幽幽地下手:我也沒同居過(為什麼我就分得出來).Kim自知理虧,低頭想說Saint大概不會原諒我了.此時Saint笑出來,問她要不要進門來.
Saint實在很愛用「手語」,她的右手在Kim的膝蓋邊畫圈圈,真是黏膩得可以.Kim則用嬉皮笑臉的方式,求Saint回心轉意:"Let's forget about pros and cons, different stages. You know suddently would miss out one big deciding factor: you have cappacino maker......And I love you.
讓我們把同居的優缺點,人生不同階段...都拋開.我突然忽略了一個重要的決定因素:妳有cappuccino咖啡機(這句無厘頭比美207在Devil's Dyke的「把起士拿來」)....而且,我愛妳."
我們回顧過去,發現Kim從來沒有對Saint說過我愛妳,當這一刻真的來臨,卻是百感交集.我不認為那一句是完全真心真意,暫且留校查看,Kim恐怕要在第三季徹底做個確認.
一直很酷,一直很溫柔的Saint,被Kim感動得泫然欲泣,碎裂一地的心,重新被一片一片拾回.
Kim:What's this? You are not going to cry on me, aren't you? 怎麼啦,妳該不是要掉淚了.
Saint: No. 才沒有
Kim:Yes, you are. Be softy. 有,妳掉淚了.這樣柔弱.
當Kim捧著Saint的臉龐,不敢相信Kim怎麼會捨得傷Saint的心?
Saint: You know we can do this everyday. All day. 我們可以每天親吻,可以吻一整天. (真不忍心澆冷水,有些事情高興一天就好了)
Kim:Yes, please. 好啊.
我們本來有機會看到一段言歸於好的大結局,偏偏門鈴響起.Saint的門口儘是些不速之客.
"Sometimes when you wrestle the decision for days, you wonder what all the fuss about. 有時當你斟酌了好幾天,真不懂為什麼要搞得大驚小怪." 搞怪的是Kim妳本人.
結果是Sugar衝進來報告天大的壞消息:"My fu*king flat goes into flame. 我的公寓付之一炬." 原來是Kim的煙蒂意外地燒掉Sugar的新居.但是上帝在這裡燒掉Sugar的房子,必定在另一處賜給Sugar一個男人.Sugar化悲憤為高潮,Sugar Rush此時結尾來一個急停跳投.
Sugar又得找人收留:"I know you are setting a love nest. I know that. But I was wondering I could stay, just for a couple few days. You need time to think about it. Sure. I made some prop up while you decide. 我知道妳們正在共築愛巢,但我想請求收留我幾天.當然,妳們需要時間考慮.請容我在妳們考慮之際,準備提神醒腦的飲品."
真是傷腦筋的問題:Tea or coffee. 要茶,還是咖啡?
Kim才剛脫離同居與否的難題,這會兒立刻跳入另一個抉擇的火坑:"When you glimpse the future and it looks fantastic, do you jump in feet first or do you keep one foot in the past, just in case. 當你展望未來,看似一片美景,你會雙腳完全投入?還是一腳留在過去觀望,以防萬一?"
我們稱作是「腳踏兩條船」:是對Kim負面的形容詞,是編劇戲「虐」觀眾的技倆,是Saint-Kim-Sugar之間的恐怖平衡,是擁Saint派和擁Sugar派暫時休兵的假象,是這一季皆大歡喜的夢幻結局,最重要的是,是第三季的炸藥火引.....
週六日我不寫blog,因為家裡那口子會吃味,為什麼要佔用二個人共同休假的寶貴時間去滿足陌生人的期望.但是這個"210"的週日下午,得到特別寬容的待遇:我可以坐在沙發上,用耳機反覆看著PMP,聽寫劇中人的對話.她將頭枕在我的膝上,像貓一樣蜷伏,沒多久就睡著了,沈睡到還留著一絲垂涎.電扇執著地搖頭晃腦,窗外蟬鳴像意興闌珊的海浪,我的背已濕漉一片,卻不覺得煩燥.看著戲裡套著圍巾的早春,還覺得多一個體溫是幸福的.戲要結束了,但我的人生,和一個此刻在夢裡流口水的人,繼續生活著.